Yesterday
by Arianna555
Summary: Can a relationship really end, just like that? Why he had to go I don't know, he wouldn't say... One part Lit


Yesterday

Disclaimer: I don't own GG, nor do I own any books, movies, colleges, ect. The song is "Yesterday," by the Beatles; lyrics slightly adjusted by me, Arianna.

A/N: Okay, I wrote this in July…no, August, and I'm just typing it now…but someone was singing this song during dinner at the Zion lodge, when I was there, and I immediately thought it would be perfect for a songfic. So, despite my promise that I wasn't gonna start any new fics until I finished two (now, how many times have I already broken that? lol) –I wrote this. It's probably gonna be a one-part thing…I'm not sure. This is set after Jess has left for CA, and Rory knows. It's in Rory's POV. I guess it's kind of…what I wanted Rory to think, or what I was thinking, after "Keg! Max!" and "Those Are Strings, Pinocchio." Please tell me what you think! BTW, the lyrics are _supposed_ to be bold italic…let's see if they work. lol.   ~Arianna

He really left. I can't believe he left. Well…sort of, I can. I wish he hadn't. 

What happened at the party—I should have realized then. I know it wasn't _me_ Jess was mad at, not then. It was something that happened, and he was upset, and I should have tried to understand. He should have told me. And still I should have known that he was hurting.

He was _different_. Wasn't he?

That day—a long time ago now—when he was driving, and I told him to turn right…I was so sure…he would have told me almost anything. Would have told me if his dad had come to Stars Hollow. Possibly even how he felt about it. To use an extremely clichéd phrase: Those were the days. Jess going back to New York ruined a lot. And maybe…me running away after kissing him like that at Sookie's wedding ruined more. But I can't blame myself for this. For what happened. Can I? Shouldn't I? I keep thinking—If I'd meant enough to him…would he have explained? Or left? Or kissed me, or said goodbye instead of just that he was sorry?

I knew he was sorry. I really did. I need to hear him _say_ something. How could everything that was so great between us just disappear?

Yesterday 

**_All my troubles seemed so far away_**

****

Now it looks as though they're here to stay. 

_Everything_ didn't disappear. He's still Jess, and I'm still Rory. Like The Old Man and the Sea will always be the same. Like The Fountainhead isn't gonna change.  The night he brought over the care package for me—I wanted him to stay. And I didn't say it. I'd have rather talked to him than to anyone else.

He came to the bridge after I broke up with Dean. He knew where to find me and wanted to comfort me. He still would, wouldn't he? If he were here; if I were there.

Oh, I believe 

**_In yesterday._**

I always looked forward to seeing him at the diner; meeting him at the bus stop. I honestly loved walking down the street with him, while he wouldn't—or couldn't?—stop kissing me. It didn't take long for me to stop being embarrassed.

We had something special. I thought we really understood each other. I would have told him anything. I trusted him, trusted him completely, because he was Jess. I miss it—I can't admit to myself how much. Everything we did. I hate walking to the bus stop by myself, the way I used to, before I knew Jess.

When I go to the bookstore, I see Oliver Twist, or The Sun Also Rises, or Atlas Shrugged, or Please Kill Me. All of it reminds me of him. 

I understand that maybe he wanted to know his father. That maybe he wanted to escape for a while. But I could have helped, if he'd let me. Everything else… _Right_ after he left, I was okay. Mostly. But then it hit me. With all the stuff I have to do for Europe, and for Yale…

Suddenly I'm not half the girl I used to be 

**_There's a shadow hanging over me._**

I see Dean with Lindsay often enough. It doesn't hurt—not the way people might expect it to. But I want to see them while I'm walking with…while I'm walking with someone else.

I'm happy for Dean. I mean, I think he really loves her. But everything's started happening so fast. I thought it was perfect. Jess even wanted to go to the prom with me, because I wanted it. Was willing to, at least. And then we had that fight. I didn't listen, he didn't tell me, and now he's gone.

Stars Hollow without Jess Mariano…I like it better the other way. I know Luke feels like he failed Jess. He didn't. I know he tried. Jess could have stayed. I know how smart he is. 

He's good at leaving fast. He did on the day of the accident, too. And _that_ wasn't his fault.

Oh, yesterday 

**_Came suddenly._**

It's like I told him…He could have asked me for help in school. I wouldn't have minded; even been glad to help. He knew that…maybe he didn't want to ask? But having no help wasn't the problem. He could ace all those tests. And I knew _that_. If I could have said anything to make him care about it…

He must have hated being told he wasn't graduating. I know he tried to get prom tickets; that he couldn't get them hurt. Maybe he felt like…like he wasn't good enough? But that's not like Jess. Is it?

He used to be different. I missed the old Jess. Now—I miss Jess, however he's acting.

His father just came, suddenly; told Jess who he was. He hasn't seen Jess or heard anything about him for years. I know Jess probably took it hard. Probably yelled at Luke. I know he hates feeling like that. And he should have known that I would always be there; that he could talk to me. He _should_ have told me what happened. He _should_ have told me he wasn't graduating. He _should_ have known that I would still care about him. 

I should have actually gone into the diner, that time before Fran's funeral, and found out what was going on with him. I didn't know where or why he'd left—or even that he had left—until Luke told my mom, and she told me. The rest I figured out. I guess it's good I was busy studying—otherwise it would have been twice as awful. Wouldn't he have found a way to stay here, if he'd wanted to?

Why he had to go 

****

**_I don't know_**

****

**_He wouldn't say._**

I wonder, over and over again: should I have done something differently? Did I do anything wrong? I asked him to call me, and he called me. He must have at least sort of missed me.

When I went to find him at the party…I _wanted_ him to tell me what was wrong. I couldn't help crying. But I think he called after me, and I shouldn't have left the room, and I shouldn't have talked to Dean or let Dean see that I was crying. Or let Dean think that Jess was the reason. I did so many things wrong that day. I think I could have, might have, stopped the fight. I should have just told the truth. To Jess. To Dean. I should have told Jess that I really…

No. It hurts to think about that now. I _wish_ I had told him. Maybe I'd be kissing Jess right now, if I had said that. Maybe I'd be handing him a book. Maybe he'd be pouring me coffee.

I said something wrong 

**_Now I long for yesterday._**

Jess should have told me a lot of things he didn't…but there were things I should have told him too.

When he called me at my graduation—I said I thought I might have loved him. It wasn't quite true. I loved him. I didn't know how to say it. I love him. It's not past tense yet. Not yet…maybe not ever? Dean was my first boyfriend; the first person I loved. But Jess was different. More important.

I loved being with him, even before we were actually together. He's great to talk to. He almost always knows exactly what to say—when he decides to talk. He agrees with me on things that most people think I'm crazy for.

I screwed it up. Jess screwed it up. We both did. He's all the way across the country now. We're practically as far away from each other as we can get. I hate it. I can't just get over it. I don't know what to do. Not anymore. What's Yale gonna be like?

Yesterday 

****

**_Love was such an easy game to play_**

****

**_Now I need a place to hide away._**

I told him, when he called, that I was gonna have to let it go.

But I can't just do that.

It's not like we broke up…well, not like we didn't want to be together anymore. Not like we had a fight, and then it was the end. Not really. Saying what I said was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Yeah, I know I can live without Jess. I still don't want to.

It's not over. I know it's not over. Jess and I…we have this connection that I don't have with anyone else, and I know Jess doesn't either.

It's not over.

I could go to Venice Beach and visit his dad's hot dog stand. Jess could surprise me at the diner. He could write. I could write. I could call again. He could give Luke a message for me.

He didn't agree with me, when I said I had to let it go. Yeah, he didn't say anything…but…he didn't agree with me. I know he was hurting. It must have been hard to call…

It isn't over.

I know it's not over.

It can't be.

Oh, I believe 

****

**_In yesterday._**


End file.
